Call it age-a-vu. When my generation were kids, we had hard-bound sets of encyclopedias. They cost a small fortune, but they allowed our parents to answer any question we posed to them with three simple words – Look it up. We used that same line on our kids, except the encyclopedia was on a CD. Nowadays, you need Wikipedia to find out what a CD is. But the real irony is that today, when we face a challenge, it’s our kids or grandkids who respond, “Did you Google it?” or “You should check out YouTube.”
Nevertheless, there are still times when people ask for advice, and they want it first- hand from someone they know personally and trust. Usually, it is because the stakes are so high – like parenting. So when people ask me for parenting advice, I can’t just reply, “Did you ask Siri?” Nor can I offer a list of steps to follow. More than any other endeavor in life, parenting exposes the importance of being over doing. It is not enough to merely practice what we preach when others are looking. Unavoidably, whether we like it or not, we always preach what we are every day – what we truly believe, love, fear, and value.
Such a realization can sometimes be discouraging. Yet, it ought to send us as humble children to our Heavenly Father. He has never stopped parenting us, even to old age. His instruction in Deuteronomy 6:4-7 is foundational for godly living and godly parenting.
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
A Heart for One God
Remember, the ancient Israelites were enveloped in idolatry. This was the case not only in Egypt where they had been slaves, but also in Canaan and the neighboring nations. So it is not surprising that God would insist that they recognize the exclusive existence of the one true God.
Yet, Israel’s history proved her problem with idols was not an external issue. The golden calf was not like the Trojan horse sent by an hostile army to trick them. It was the product of Aaron’s imagination. Israel’s idolatry proceeded from their own hearts. In that respect, we are no different. But idolatry cannot remain hidden in the heart. Eventually, those who know us best will know who or what we love. So God’s parenting instruction is preceded by a commandment to love.
Commanded to Love
Now, I have witnessed a number of weddings with vows ranging from traditional and beautiful to sappy and trivial. But, I have yet to hear a bridegroom substitute in the place of “I promise to love you…,” the words “I command you to love me….” The only bells ringing after that brief service would come from a fiery right hook by the gal in the chiffon lace gown.
… his Word not only bids me to love but also overwhelms me with his love and compels me to love in return.
You see, commanding love is an exclusively divine right. We cannot order someone to love us. Though we might expect love when it is promised, we have no authority in ourselves to command it. Indeed, we are not even free to love whomever or whatever we please. God alone has authority to tell us who or what we are to love or not love.
And this command should not surprise us. God called us into existence. We owe to him every blessing we receive, not to mention every breath we take. God is himself the fountain and perfection of beauty. Moreover, for the Christian, God is the redeemer of our wretched souls. As believers, we can say with Paul, “God shows his love for us in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). All these truths should compel us to love God supremely with all our being.
Moreover, according to Jesus, this command to love God is the greatest commandment (Matt. 22:36-38). Think of that. My greatest duty in life is to love God. My greatest obligation as a husband is to love God. My greatest obligation as a father is to love God. Whatever my station, vocation, or familial connections my greatest duty is to love God with all my heart, soul, and might.
Yearning for Heart Health
However, it is one thing to acknowledge this obligation based on the Word of God or theological reasoning. It is quite another thing to attempt to do this.
Therein lies the rub. I do not love God with all my heart. I should. I wish that I did, but my heart is often cold and divided. So, how do I ask the Holy One to whom all heaven bows in ceaseless worship, to impress me more? How do I confess to the Infinite God, who set his love on me before the world began, that my heart is not content with him? How do I ask the one whose righteous sword drips wet with the atoning blood of his Son spilt on my behalf, to help me love him?
Truly, that is my awful predicament. Confessing my greatest deficiency, asking for my most urgent need to love God is an affront to his majestic beauty, goodness, and grace. Yet – praise be God’s gracious, condescending love – his Word not only bids me to love but also overwhelms me with his love and compels me to love in return.
Receiving Instruction
Therefore, it is not surprising that the command to love is tied to the command to treasure his words in our hearts. To understand the significance of these oft quoted verses from Deuteronomy, we must recognize the broader context. God had rescued Israel from Egyptian bondage and was preparing to bring them into the promised land. However, though their bodies had been freed, their affections still were captive to Egypt.
Now, we easily recognize the benefit of commands to not murder, steal, or lie. Those action not only offend God, but they also injure man. Yet, we ought not think idolatry is an offense against God alone. Idolatry is destructive to human nature and robs us of the glory that all creation longs for (Rom. 8:19). A world free of murder, stealing, lying and other sins against our neighbor would still be hellish if devoid of fellowship with God. The command to love God was given not so God could gain anything. He was perfectly content and basking in trinitarian love for eons before the world existed. He created us that we might know some measure of that same love. To be united in love to God is the most loving thing anyone could wish for us.
Clearly, the command to love God comes from the loving heart of God. The most magnificent expression of God’s love is Jesus Christ. In love the Father gave his only Son (Jn. 3:16). There is no greater love than that which Jesus demonstrated in laying down his life for his friends (Jn. 15:13). Marvel at this, Christian, “See what kind of love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are” (1 Jn. 3:1). And lest you doubt, “God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” (Gal. 4:6).
To be united in love to God is the most loving thing anyone could wish for us.
As a result, our hearts are drawn to love in return (1 Jn. 4:19). And, in this mutual love relationship, we are the ones who gain. Consider the prayer that Paul makes for the Ephesian church in his letter:
that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Eph. 3:16-19)
Speaking from the Heart
Consequently, the best advice for godly parenting is to be a lover of God, in humility to decry a loveless heart and cry out for a heart that loves God, and to listen to and be astonished at his love as expressed in his Word. It is a continuous pursuit full of failures on our part, but it bears the seal of God’s approval. Godly parenting comes by receiving instruction from a patient, compassionate, gracious Heavenly Father who parents his children in love.
As a mother is nurtured under such gracious instruction, her tongue is free to speak with grace in every circumstance because God’s love is overflowing her own heart. The more a father experiences the long-suffering love of his Heavenly Father time and time again, the more he grows in meekness, humility, and patience. These works of the Spirit, infuse their biblical instruction with power. For the seed of God’s Word only produces fruit when living water is poured upon it. May God so work in our hearts as parents, grandparents, or trusted older believers that we might show the next generation a love that excels all other loves.